The Stageplay

FACADE STAGEPLAY

Wed Dec 22 19 42 21 2021

GRACE

Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

(Chris knocks on the front door.)

TRIP

Oh, he's here!

GRACE

What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

TRIP

No, he's right on time!

GRACE

Trip...!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP

Chris!!

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Hey! It's been too long, man! -- (interrupted)

TRIP

Uh...

TRIP

Well come on in...

TRIP

Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...

(CHRIS knocks on the front door.)

(CHRIS closes the front door.)

TRIP

(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP

(unintelligable arguing)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

No, no, here we are!

GRACE

Chris,

GRACE

Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Uh... -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS kisses grace.)

GRACE

Oh, yes, let's... (polite kiss on cheek)

GRACE

Chris, you're so sweet.

GRACE

Well, so, make yourself at home...

TRIP

Chris, let me get you a drink. -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS picks up the phone.)

(CHRIS puts down the phone.)

TRIP

Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported drinking glasses.

TRIP

How about a martini?

TRIP

Everybody tells me I fix the best drinks, so I'm sure you're gonna -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Uh, well, you know what, I'm just going to make you a martini.

GRACE

No no,

GRACE

Chris, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

uhh... -- (interrupted)

TRIP

Okay look I'm just going to open a bottle of merlot and make everybody happy.

(CHRIS picks up the red wine bottle.)

TRIP

Chris, trust me, it's good stuff.

(CHRIS puts down the red wine bottle.)

GRACE

Yes, you don't need to push the fancy drinks tonight.

TRIP

Grace, what can I get you to drink tonight? Surprise me.

(CHRIS picks up the brass bull.)

GRACE

The merlot sounds fine. -- (interrupted)

TRIP

Oh, that brass bull, that's a gift from my business contact in Barcelona --

GRACE

What is that doing out here? Didn't I ask you to put that away?

TRIP

Uh, yeah, I will, later, after our friend leaves.

(CHRIS puts down the brass bull.)

GRACE

(frustrated sigh)

GRACE

Chris, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have.

GRACE

H-mmm (happy smile sound)

TRIP

Ha ha, yeah...

TRIP

Grace, I'm giving you the first glass.

GRACE

Okay, thanks.

TRIP

Whoa I just realized something!

GRACE

What...

TRIP

We have to celebrate! Tonight's a special night!

GRACE

What do you mean?

TRIP

Chris, remember, it -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix you a real drink in not too long...

(CHRIS picks up a Grace's drink.)

TRIP

Alright, here you go!

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

TRIP

So, ten years ago... that's when you introduced us, right?

(CHRIS puts down a Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS picks up a player's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his player's drink.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS sips his player's drink.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS sips his player's drink.)

(CHRIS puts down a player's drink.)

(CHRIS picks up a Grace's drink.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS puts down a Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

GRACE

Oh, do you like those sculptures? I used to be so into, uh, collecting them...

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Um, well, without you, we wouldn't -- (interrupted)

GRACE

Oh, God, it's hard to believe I used to like these damn sculptures... -- (interrupted)

TRIP

More like obsessed...

TRIP

But in a good way!

GRACE

I was -- (interrupted)

GRACE

(little sigh) (clears throat)

GRACE

Yeah, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

TRIP

Oh, Grace, let's not do that.

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 3.)

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 3.)

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 3.)

TRIP

Well, it's impressive... even after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace somehow finds time to decorate...

GRACE

Ha ha, I guess it's just the artist in me dying to get out.

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 3.)

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

GRACE

Oh, um, well... I want to ask you...

GRACE

(little sigh) You know, I've been collecting these little glass sculptures for a long time now. -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

GRACE

(little sigh) So I've been collecting -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

I'm sure I can return most of this, and try to start over again on this room...

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

See Grace, no one is complaining about your decorating, there's nothing wrong with it!

GRACE

Trip, I can't explain it, but this room is just not working, okay? I'm going to return what furniture I can, and redo it all. -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS points to the italy picture.)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

(little sigh) (clears throat)

(CHRIS points to the italy picture.)

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE

(big sigh)

GRACE

Oh God, Chris, I hope you didn't come here tonight to be entertained... -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Trip, have you noticed, we're fighting in front of our friend.

TRIP

Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...

GRACE

Trip, there's nothing wrong with -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP

Heh... No doubt about it.

TRIP

Huh... I don't know about that... -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS picks up the red wine bottle.)

TRIP

Chris, I -- I want you to look at this photo from our recent trip to Italy...

GRACE

(impatient sigh) Trip, maybe our friend would prefer --

TRIP

Grace, just because you don't like it, doesn't mean our friend won't...

GRACE

Chris, come over here and sit on the couch with me.

TRIP

Grace...!!!

TRIP

Now, now, Chris, in one word, what does this picture make you think of?

GRACE

Oh, please, Trip, don't put our friend on the spot like that.

TRIP

Grace wasn't with me when I took this picture, she was sulking in the hotel room.

GRACE

Chris, come over here, you'll -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

No, no, that's not it --

GRACE

Yeah, that's a fine answer, I like that...!

TRIP

No, no... Chris, take another look, this says... what.

GRACE

How about suffocating.

TRIP

Christ! I take her to Italy to see the art she supposedly likes, and she calls me suffocating.

GRACE

(short petulant sigh)

TRIP

Romance! It says... romance...! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

(little sigh) Chris, I liked your answer better.

TRIP

Dammit, Grace, I was trying to give us a romantic weekend in Europe together!

GRACE

What is it with you and your obsession with Europe? You take enough goddamn business trips there as it is!

(CHRIS puts down the red wine bottle.)

TRIP

I'm not obsessed with Europe... I --

(CHRIS picks up the red wine bottle.)

(CHRIS puts down the red wine bottle.)

GRACE

You want to be seen as this sophisticated traveler.

GRACE

And I missed my friend's art show.

TRIP

What? Who is this?

GRACE

A friend from college had a gallery show of his new paintings that weekend. (little sigh)

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

TRIP

Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP

Goddamn... sophisticated traveler...

TRIP

When are you going to realize that art is not a career! Is that ever going to sink in for you?

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

GRACE

(impatient sigh) -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Chris, wait, I can't fix you a drink right now!

TRIP

Goddamn... sophisticated traveler...

TRIP

Grace, I -- I just want to be together, and be happy, can you just see that?

GRACE

Oh, God...!

TRIP

Can't we just do that?

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Okay, you know what, Chris,

GRACE

I'm going to ask you something.

TRIP

Grace --

GRACE

Trip, let me ask our guest a question.

GRACE

Chris, yes or no...

GRACE

A person in a marriage should fully trust the other person, right?

TRIP

What?

GRACE

I mean, if you're married you have to completely and totally trust your spouse, right?

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Yes or -- (interrupted)

GRACE

Look, don't bother answering, I don't need to hear it!

GRACE

You keep trying to tell me you love me, Trip, that you're so romantic, but I know you're hiding something from me, goddammit!

TRIP

Oh, god...!

TRIP

Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

TRIP

I can't even frigging look at you.

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

What the... goddammit!

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

TRIP

What are you saying? What?

GRACE

What, I can't hear you, are you talking to me?

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

TRIP

What's it to you?

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

TRIP

Uhh, no, uhh... don't -- don't do that!

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

GRACE

What? Are you talking to me? -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

TRIP

What's it to you?

TRIP

Chris, this is not normal, this has never happened. -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS comforts trip.)

GRACE

Chris, (annoyed sigh) Trip is just so...

TRIP

Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

GRACE

What?

GRACE

Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..

TRIP

They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!

GRACE

Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Chris, does -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS comforts trip.)

TRIP

No, uhh... Chris, what I need is to figure out what hell is going here...

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

GRACE

All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip?

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

TRIP

Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off?

TRIP

Chris, isn't it -- isn't that ridiculous?

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

God, Chris, can we just stop talking about Trip's stuff, please?

GRACE

(frustrated sigh)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Chris, (annoyed sigh)

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Chris, (frustrated -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS hugs grace.)

GRACE

Oh, Chris, thanks, but, what we need right now is to just get all this out in the -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

TRIP

Christ, Chris, can we possibly talk any more about Grace's stuff tonight?

TRIP

(frustrated sigh)

TRIP

Chris, (frustrated sigh)

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Chris, (frustrated sigh)

TRIP

Chris, (frustrated sigh)

GRACE

No, let's switch to talking about Trip.

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

TRIP

See, what I've tried to do, Chris, is help Grace somehow get over her art problem.

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

GRACE

My problem? You have the problem!

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

GRACE

Chris, (frustrated sigh)

TRIP

What? Oh, Jesus...

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

(CHRIS comforts trip.)

TRIP

Christ, Chris, -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS hugs trip.)

TRIP

Christ, -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS hugs trip.)

(CHRIS comforts trip.)

TRIP

Christ, -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS comforts trip.)

(CHRIS hugs trip.)

TRIP

Jesus, -- (interrupted)

TRIP

Jesus, Chris, quit it with that stuff!

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

TRIP

Okay, that's it, no more of this bullshit!!

TRIP

Chris, I know what you're hinting at, okay?!

TRIP

about me...

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

No, Chris, hold on, hold on, let me speak!

TRIP

Do you two want the truth? Huh?

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Chris, -- (interrupted)

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

TRIP

No, Chris, just, yes or no, do you want to hear the truth?

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

(CHRIS picks up a Trip's drink.)

TRIP

Grace, huh?

GRACE

Yes...!

TRIP

Chris, see I've actually been paying close attention to what you've been saying.

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

TRIP

Chris, Quit interrupting me, let me speak!

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

TRIP

You've really been pushing me tonight.

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

TRIP

And I wonder, are you really my friend or not.

(CHRIS puts down a Trip's drink.)

GRACE

Trip!

TRIP

Chris, come on -- yes or no...

TRIP

Do you really think that...

TRIP

kissing me...

TRIP

and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

TRIP

that all that is supposed to help me understand something about myself?

TRIP

Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?

TRIP

Is it? I just want a -- (interrupted)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

No, Chris, just give me a yes or no.

CHRIS

milk

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

TRIP

No? Huh, well, I thought it did add up to something, actually.

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

TRIP

Okay... look... heh heh... (big sigh)

TRIP

Chris, Everything's fine... we're -- we're not... uhh... we're fine.

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Yeah... yeah.

TRIP

If you need to go, you know, that -- that's -- that's fine...

(CHRIS puts down a trinket 4.)

(CHRIS picks up the brass bull.)

(CHRIS puts down the brass bull.)

(CHRIS picks up a trinket 4.)

TRIP

You know, Chris, nothing's changed, we're fine... we'll see you out.

CHRIS

milk

(Trip opens the front door.)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

Alright, so, um, we'll, we'll, we'll -- we'll see you, at some point, stay in touch, alright?

CHRIS

milk

CHRIS

milk

GRACE

Good night...

(Trip closes the front door.)

CHRIS

milk

TRIP

I cannot believe this!

GRACE

How could you say all that to me?

GRACE

This isn't about me, this is all your problems!

TRIP

Me?! What the hell were you thinking!

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